Your daddy & I knew from early on that you were going to be our little girl.
The doctor in the Thailand hospital told us. ‘Your baby is a girl’ he said. With a big smile I looked over at your daddy standing in the corner, eyes glued to the screen with your tiny growing body on it, His smile matched mine & we grinned wildly at each other, our grins turning to laughs.
Your daddy wanted a girl, even before you were made. ‘I’ll be better with girls’ He said.
Now, don’t take this the wrong way but until that point I had felt you were going to be a boy. I don’t know why.
I didn’t want you to be a boy, or a girl. I just wanted you. Whatever you were.
We decided to keep you a secret. For 3 months we didn’t tell anyone that you were growing into a girl. That they would be able to buy dresses and skirts and frilly lace socks, in pinks and purples and all the shades of the sun.
Instead, we decided to throw a party for you when we were back in England and invite all our friends and family. Once everyone was all in one place we would reveal our secret. Until then, we kept you especially ours.
I planned a party, filling a garden with puffy paper balls hanging from the trees, pretty bunting in all different colors strewn across every available space. There were games and prizes, food and cakes. Everyone was there to find out what you were going to be. Were you a baby boy or a baby girl?
With the pull of a string and a countdown… 3, 2, 1. Feathers and hearts filled the air and floated to the ground, covering the grass in a pretty pink mess. Everyone cheered and everyone clapped, and there, our secret was out.
You are a baby girl, growing inside of me and this was a moment I will never forget.
A baby boy, A baby girl
Bundled inside, noone can tell
You’ve been our special secret
And one we held close
Your delicate flutterings are what we love most
A single feather floats through the air
A tiny moment for us to now share
Until you are ready to come into this world
We will keep you safe
We will keep you warm
Filling our life, Like a new days dawn
Like a shell protects a precious pearl
We can’t wait to meet you,
Our Little Girl.
Love mummy x