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Mixed Emotions…

Baby Girl, I want you to know the happiness, excitement and longing we have for you to come out into this world.

What feels like an eternal wait for you is almost at its end and I will get to feel the weight of you in my arms, smell your freshly birthed scent and stroke my fingers carefully over your delicate baby skin all too soon.


Yet despite this bubble of loveliness there is a sense of pre birth anxiety.  You bring all the wonders and awe of a new beginning along with a hesitant hint of uncertainty.

What if I become ‘Just your mum’

I am selfishly scared to lose my own identity before I have maybe even fully discovered it for myself.

Will I be washed away in a wave of baby?
img_1460I feel a dull sadness at losing the life I have known, everything I currently know, do, think and see will be changed in a matter of moments as you come into our orbits.
I fully know that you will bring with you a change, welcome and positive.  We will not know how we ever lived without you in a matter of seconds, you will become our everything.img_9623Yet it is the not knowing that lingers and wakes me up in the quiet dark hours of the pre dawn. The heat of the tears that sting my eyes as I run through all that’s about to happen in my head.
I find myself filled with mixed emotions as your long awaited arrival tiptoes ever closer.img_1477Baby Girl, I am scared of you, yet all I want is to meet you and hold you.

You will soon be learning everything about this world, from the color of the sky to the feel of different grounds beneath your tiny feet, As you do this, I will also be learning.

I will be learning how to be the best Mum I can to you.


Even though I am your Mummy, you have so much to teach me and there will be many moments to come, that I will never want to forget.

See you soon little one. xx

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